Friday, March 01, 2013

Dealing With Loss

My wife and I just found out this week that we were having a miscarriage, She was only about 4 -5 weeks in and yet the loss is still felt. We have two boys who are healthy and are 10 and 7, yet we have also had 3 other miscarriages over the years. How do you take comfort when you lose a child? I take comfort knowing that I will see them in heaven. I see the example given from...
 

2 Samuel 12:16 - 23 
16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
18 On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”
19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.
“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
21 His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”
22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

So yes, I will see my unborn child one day, and I will know them. We have privately chosen a name for each child we have lost that way. We can take comfort from the passage yes, but as a good friend and pastor that I work with said, "It doesn't mean it doesn't suck." In times like these it can be easy to start to get angry, bitter, and start resenting asking why the child didn't make it. I found out the news just before going to do Ask The Pastor Monday night. So there I was driving into the studio and having an intense discussion with God over what had happened, and then I was to be happy on the air and minister to others. How did I get through that intense moment and night? By the grace of God is all I can say. Lots of prayer. Being a pastor doesn't mean I don't struggle with loss or other things, I just have to decide like others how to deal with it. 

I think of how if all our kids had been born, we would have 6 now (including the most recent miscarriage). I look forward to seeing them someday and embracing them for the first time as a dad. I thank the
Lord for the time we had with them. Thank you Jesus for Your strength that only You can give in times like these.


In Christ,

Pastor Andrew Robertson

2 comments:

  1. I too have one in heaven and KNOW and Believe the same.....may God give you some peace and joy amidst y9our pain. Love, in Him xo

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  2. I also have had 4 miscarriages....it is very hard to loose a baby you and your husband created out of love and so loose four it plays with the mind...the body...and you find yourself questioning God, why? Why me? Why us? What did I do?
    At one time, I was actually in labor and thru the contractions my husband and I cried and prayed. My sister-in-law was 'due' not me...
    I remember a doctor telling me I am 'aborting' the fetus...WHAT??? I balled him out for saying 'aborting' and told him we LOVE this baby and we will see this child again....
    I remember a time after coming home from the hospital after having a D&C and my husband had to go to work and I had a 3 year old daughter at home...but mommy wouldn't wake up...I didn't want too...I was sore...I was angry...I was giving up....but I kept hearing my daughter say 'Mommy, wake up.....and what she really was saying was 'Mommy, I need you'.....and I woke up.
    I remember the time when we had just found out...how excited....but then a week later...how sad.
    We have our children in our hearts...and written in the Bible we received on our Wedding Day and use daily. It is falling apart but that's okay.
    We know we will see them one day and they will be perfect! The Lord did BLESS us with 2 more girls and when we are in Heaven together..we will be complete...family of 9!
    by Mathilda Frost

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